A Pittsburgh steel worker was driving through northern California's apple country. He stopped at an orchard and asked the owner, "How much are yer apples?" "All you can pick for one dollar," said the rancher. "Okay," said the Pennsylvanian. "I'll take two dollars' worth."

After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker's boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, "If you had 4 apples and I asked for one, how many would you have left?" Quickly he replied, "If it was you who asked, I'd still have 4 apples."

Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac

What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.

What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.

What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple.

What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."

What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).

Why don't apples smile when you go bobbing ? Because they're crab apples !

What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !

Why did Eve want to move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !

What did the Gorilla do with the apple he was holding in his hands? He brought it to school and said, 'An Ape-lle for the teacher!'

What's the difference between a worm and an apple ? Have you ever tried worm pie ?!

What reads and lives in an apple ? A bookworm !

If it took six pigs two hours to eat the apples in the orchard, how many hours would it take three pigs? None, because the six pigs have already eaten them all.