What does a baby computer call his father? Data.

Did you hear about the witch who had the ugliest baby in the world? She didn't push the pram - she pulled it.

What was the policeman's baby's first words ? Hallo, Hallo, Hallo !

Knock knock. Who's there? Baby Owl. Baby Owl who? Baby Owl see you later, baby not.

How can you tell if a snake is a baby snake? It has a rattle.

What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake? Stop crying and viper your nose.

What do baby pythons play with? Rattle-snakes.

What would you get if you crossed a new-born snake with a basketball? A bouncing baby boa.

What is a baby bee? A little humbug.

Which is the only day you are safe in a cannibal village? Sitterdays (when they eat the baby-sitter instead).

How did the witch almost lose her baby? She didn't take it far enough into the woods.

What are baby witches called? Halloweenies.

Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food? He wanted something to get his teeth into.

Knock knock. Who's there? Underwear. Underwear who? Underwear my baby is tonight?

My new baby is the image of his father. Never mind. just so long as he's healthy.

Fred: My mum's having a new baby. Drew: What's wrong with the old one?

Cry Baby - by Liza Weeping

What is a baby: A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other.

Why did you drop the baby? Well, Mrs Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby, so I wanted to see if he did.

It can't go on! It can't go on! What can't go on? This baby's vest ? it's too small for me.