A little boy came running into the kitchen. 'Dad, dad' he said, 'there's a monster at the door with a really ugly face' 'Tell him you've already got one,' said his father !

"My boyfriend says I look like a dishy Italian!"said Miss Conceited. ''Then he's right said her little brother.''Sophia Loren?'' "No-spaghetti!''

A woman went to a sweet store to buy some sweets. The boy behind the counter said "Gosh, your ugly aren't you?, I've never seen anyone so hideous as you before" "Young man" she replied. " I didn't come here to be insulted" "Really", he said, "Where do you usually go ?"

Little Johnny and his mother were on a train. Johnny leant over and started to whisper in his mother's ear. 'Johnny, how many times have I told you,' said his mother, ' it's rude to whisper. If you have something to say, say it out loud.' 'OK, said Johnny, 'why does the lady over there look like an ugly, haggard old witch ?'

Girlfriend: Will you love me when I'm old and fat and ugly? Boyfriend: Of course I do !

Mary: Do you think my sister's pretty ? Gary: Well, let's just say if you pulled her pigtail she'd probably say 'oink, oink '!

Did you hear about the girl monster who wasn't pretty and wasn't ugly ? She was pretty ugly

She's the kind of girl that boys look at twice - they can't believe it the first time.

Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair all down her back. Will: Pity it's not on her head.

Julie had broken off her engagement. Her friend asked her what had happened. 'I thought it was love at first sight,' said Julie. 'It was, but it was the second and third sights that changed my mind.

Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance ? Man: It did for a while - then it fell off.

Two teenage boys were talking in the classroom. One said, 'I took my girlfriend to see 'The bride of Dracula' last night.' 'Oh yeah,' said the other, ' what was she like ?' 'Well she was about six foot six, white as a ghost and she had big red staring eyes and fangs.' The other said, 'Yes, but what was 'The Bride of Dracula' like ?'

I can't understand why people say my girlfriend's legs look like matchsticks. They do look like sticks - but they certainly don't match.

What did the really ugly man do for a living ? He posed for Halloween masks !

I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice. You don't want justice - you want mercy !

Your ugly. And you're drunk. Yes, but in the morning I'll be sober !

My boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful Well they do say that love is blind !

Last night I dreamt I was dancing with the most beautiful girl in the world What was I wearing ?

Monster: I'm so ugly. Ghost: It's not that bad! Monster: It is! When my grandfather was born they passed out cigars. When my father was born they just passed out cigarettes. When I was born they simply passed out.