Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a
Witch: Well, I won't stand in your way.
How do eels get around the
Bus passenger: I'd like a ticket to New York,
Ticket seller: By Buffalo? Bus passenger: Of course not,
I'm in the
bus queue, aren't I?
What did the bus conductor say to the frog?
Why did the bat miss the bus?
Because he hung
around for too long.
What do monsters play when they are in the bus?
What would you get if you crossed King Kong with a
I don't know but it could always get a seat on a bus!
the skeleton pay his bus fare?
Because he was skint.
Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat
woman opposite said, "If you were a gentleman, young man, you'd
up and let someone else sit down." "And if you were a lady,"
Roger, "you'd stand up and let four people sit down."
difference between a bus driver
and a cold?
A bus driver knows the stops, and a cold stops the
A man standing at a bus stop was eating a
hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very
excited at the smell of the man's supper and began whining and
at him. "Do you mind if I throw him a bit?" said the man to
"Not at all," she replied, whereupon the man picked the
dog up and
threw it over a wall.
Teacher: Tommy Russell, you're late again.
Tommy: Sorry, sir. It's my bus - it's always coming late.
Well, if it's late again tomorrow, catch an earlier
How can you kill an idiot with half a dollar?
Throw it under a bus.
Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York?
Driver: Which part?
Passenger: All of me, of course!
As the bus came to the stop, the man
front of the queue took out his eye, threw it up in the air and
caught it before getting on the bus. An amazed conductor said, 'What
earth did you do that for?' 'I wanted to know if there was room on
top,' replied the man.
When you go for a bus ride, do you like sitting
upstairs or downstairs?
I prefer to ride on top, but it's very
hard getting the horse up the
A man trying to get on an overcrowded bus was
pushed off by
the people inside. There's no room,' they said. 'It's
'But you must let me on!' shouted the man.
what's so special about you?' they asked.
I'm the driver,'
replied the man.
Why did the bus stop?
Because it saw the zebra
What do you call a bloke with a
bus on his
Passenger: Does this bus go to London?
Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor:
advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don't