Sam left work after a tiring day. 'Take the bus home,' suggested a friend. 'My mother would only make me take it back,' Sam said.

Did you say that you fell over fifty feet but didn't hurt yourself? Yes - I was trying to get to the back of the bus.

Conductor, this bus was very slow! Oh, I expect we'll pick up speed now you're getting off!

Have you heard that all the buses and trains are stopping today? No. Is there a strike? No, they're stopping to let the passengers off.

What have I got in my hands? A double decker bus! You looked!

Do buses and trains run on time? Usually, yes. No, they don't. Buses run on wheels and trains run on the tracks.

Does this bus stop at the river? If it doesn't there'll be a very big splash.

Conductor, do you stop at the Savoy Hotel? I should say not, on my salary!

'Is everyone in the bus?' asked the driver before he closed the door. 'No,' called a lady, 'wait until I get my clothes on.' All the passengers in the bus turned towards the door to look at the woman. She got on with a bag full of laundry.

Janet: What's the difference between a cake and a school bus ? Jill: I don't know. Janet: I'm glad I didn't send you to pick up my birthday cake !

Have you seen the bus website? Yes - it's just the ticket!

Which end of a bus is it best to get off? It doesn't matter. Both ends stop.

What is the difference between a bus driver and a cold? One knows the stops, the other stops the nose.

What "bus" crossed the ocean? Columbus.

What do you call a man with a double decker bus on his head ? The deceased !

Cross-Eyed Monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. Witch: Well, I won't stand in your way.

Q: What is a bus ? A: A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Why didn't anyone take the school bus to school? I wouldn't fit through the door.