What do monkeys sing at Christmas ? Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.. !

Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ? They both drop their needles !

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ? Thanks, I'll never part with it !

Why is a burning candle like being thirsty ? Beacause a little water ends both of them !

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree ? A pineapple !

What do you give a train driver for Christmas ? Platform shoes !

What happens to you at Christmas ? Yule be happy !

Can I have a broken drum for Christmas? The best thing you could have asked for. You can't beat it!

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective ? Santa Clues !

Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot luck !

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas ? Santapplause !

Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden ? Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe

Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas ? Because they both have "Sandy claws" !

What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents ? Santa pause !

What's fat and jolly and runs on eight wheels? Father Christmas on roller skates!

Why does Father Christmas go down chimneys? Because they soot him!

Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ? No you can have turkey like everyone else !

What did the big cracker say to the little cracker ? My pop is bigger than yours !

Who is never hungry at Christmas ? The turkey - he's always stuffed !

What bird has wings but cannot fly ? Roast turkey !