An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school. "Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be ten years from now?" "Well, let's see," replied the student. "It's Wednesday afternoon. I guess I'll be on the golf course by now."

Teenage Driver: But, officer, I'm a college man. Policeman: Sorry, but ignorance is no excuse.

Why do University of Arkansas graduates tape their diplomas to the windshields of their cars? So they can park in handicapped spaces.

How do you know a Brigham Young student's been mowing the lawn? The welcome mat is destroyed.

What does the N on the Nebraska football helmet stand for? "Nowledge."

Why did the University of Oklahoma researcher stay awake every night? He was trying to find a cure for insomnia.

Why don't Purdue athletes eat pickles? They can't get their heads in the jar.

What do you get when you cross a Texas Aggie with an ape? A retarded ape.

Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet! Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket? Professor Yes, but I thought it was mine!

Did you hear about the Louisiana Tech professor who stood in front of a mirror for two hours, wondering where he'd seen himself before?

"Professor, I hear your wife has had twins. Boys or girls?" "Well, I believe one is a girl and one is a boy but it may be the other way around."

Astronomy Professor: What causes a half-moon? Student: When you can't get your jeans over your thighs.

Did you hear about the Western Kentucky professor who kissed the door goodbye and slammed his wife as he went by?

And then there was the UCLA professor who opened up his vest, pulled out his tie and wet his pants.

How do you measure a Villanova graduate's I.Q.? With a tire gauge.

Did you hear about the Penn State professor who went around in a revolving door for six hours because he couldn't remember whether he was going in or coming out?

How many Wake Forest fraternity brothers does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? Seventeen. One to do it and sixteen to shell the M&M's.

What do you call ten Utah State law students standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.

How do you get a Texas Tech senior's eyes to sparkle? Shine a flashlight in his ears.

Why did the Oregon State psychology major climb up the chain link fence? To see what was on the other side.