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A doctor and his wife were having a
big
argument at breakfast.
"You aren't so good in bed either!" he
shouted and stormed off to
work.
By midmorning, he decided he'd
better make amends and phoned home.
After many rings, his wife
picked up the phone.
"What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in
bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second
opinion."
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Did you hear the new penalty for
speeding in Illinois?
The first offense they give you Bears tickets
and the second offense
they make you use them.
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The surgeon told his patient that woke
up after
having been operated: "I'm afraid we're going to have to
operate you
again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves
inside you."
"Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay
for them if you
just leave me alone."
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Doctor Doctor I swallowed a
bone.
Are you choking?
No, I really did!
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Doctor, Doctor I think I need
glasses
You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!
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Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed
my
pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil till I get there
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Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a
bell?
Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!
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Doctor, Doctor I
think I'm
suffering from Deja Vu!
Didn't I see you yesterday?
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Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can
you
give me something?
Yes - here's a kite!
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Doctor, how do I stop my nose from
running?!
Stick your foot out and trip it up!
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Doctor, Doctor I tend to flush a
lot.
Don't worry it's just a chain reaction!
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Doctor, doctor I keep
thinking
I'm a bee
Buzz off can't you see I'm busy?
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Doctor these pills you gave me for
BO...
What's wrong with them?
They keep slipping out from
under my arms!
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Doctor, Doctor everyone
keeps
throwing me in the garbage.
Don't talk rubbish!
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Doctor, Doctor I feel like a
sheep.
That's baaaaaaaaaad!
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Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a
mosquito
Go away, sucker!
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Doctor Doctor I think I'm a
moth.
So why did you come around then?
Well, I saw this light at the
window...!
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Doctor, Doctor I keep
getting
pains in the eye when I drink coffee
Have you tried taking the spoon
out?
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Doctor, Doctor I feel like a
spoon!
Well sit still and don't stir!
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Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of
cards.
I'll deal with you later.
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