What is grey and hairy and lives on a man's face? A mousetache.

Louise was watching her big sister covering her face with cream. "What's that for?" she asked. "To make me beautiful," came the reply. Louise then watched in silence as she wiped her face clean. "Doesn't work, does it?" was her comment.

What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter? The producer said she had the perfect face for radio.

Fred: You have the face of a saint. Jill: Really? Which one? Fred: A Saint Bernard.

Fred: You've got a Roman nose. Harry: Like Julius Caesar? Fred: No, it's roamin' all over your face.

Two boys were watching TV when the fabulous face and figure of Pamela Anderson appeared on the screen. "if I ever stop hating girls," said one to the other, "I think I'll stop hating her first."

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

Did you hear about the witch who was so ugly that when a tear rolls down her cheek it takes one look at her face and rolls straight up again?

Fred: Your sister uses too much make-up. Harry: Do you think so? Fred: Yes. It's so thick that if you tell her a joke, five minutes after she's stopped laughing her face is still smiling!

Wife to Husband: I'll have you know I've got the face of a teenager! Husband to Wife: Then you should give it back, you're wearing it out.

Patient: The trouble is, doctor, I keep pulling ugly faces. Doctor: Don't worry, I don't expect anyone will notice.

Fred: Do you like my new hairstyle? Harry: In as much as it covers most of your face, yes.

You can read his mind in his face. Yes, it's usually a complete blank.

First Witch: I like your toad. He always has such a nice expression on his face. Second Witch: It's because he's a hoptimist.

How did your mom know you hadn't washed your face? I forgot to wet the soap.

Boy monster: You've got a face like a million dollars ! Girl monster: Have I really ? Boy monster: Yes - it's green and wrinkly !

My teacher's got a pretty face if you can read between the lines.

Counselor: Wash your face. I can see what you had for breakfast. Henry: If you're so smart, what did I have? Counselor: Eggs. Henry: Wrong. I had eggs yesterday!

What is the hottest part of a man's face? His sideburns.

Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it is the scenter (centre).