Bob is sitting on the ice all day fishing with
no luck, not even a nibble. Cold and tired he is about to leave,
guy walks up cuts a hole in the ice beside him, and starts
fish as fast a he can drop his hook in the water.
can't believe it, he yells over " whats your secret?"
"woogatkakeptewrwm" he answers back.
"what did you say?" replies Bob.
The man spits a large ball of worms on the ice and says to Bob,
have to keep your worms warm".
If you're fishing on ice, you should
tell a joke on ice. WHY???
The ice will crack up!
Q:what do you catch when you go ice fishing
Q:what did the fish say when he hit the
It was well known that a certain lake was very
fishing up north, but a game warden happened to notice
that one guy kept
coming home with his limit of fish on several
occations. He asked the guy:
"How is it that you are catching fish out of
that lake when no one
else can?" The guy replied: "Well I am going
back up there tommorow, why
don't you come along?" And, so the
warden did. They were in the boat
when the fisherman reached over and
lit a stick of dynamite and then
tossed it overboard. BOOM!!! There
were fish floating to the surface all
over! The game warden freaked
out, and said: "You can't do that!
That's illeagal!" The
fisherman reached over and lit another stick and
said: "Are you going to
fish, or talk?"
Far away in the tropical waters of the
Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin
the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being
and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally
one day Justin
said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being
a prawn, I wish
I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries
Two guys are talking about fishing. One says
to the other, "I am
NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me,
"That bad, huh"
"She did everything wrong! She
did everything wrong! She talked too
much, made the boat rock
constantly, tried to stand up in the boat,
baited the hook wrong, used
the wrong lures and WORST of all she caught more
fish than me!"
A man was stopped by a game-warden in Northern
Algonquin Park recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake
for its fishing
The game warden asked the man, "Do
you have a license to catch those
The man replied to
the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here
fish down to the lake and let
them swim around for a while. I whistle
and they jump back into their
buckets, and I take em home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here,
you. It really works."
"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" The game
warden was curious.
The man poured the fish in to the river and
stood and waited. After
several minutes, the game warden turned to
the man and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" the man respond
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"What fish?" the man asked.
The fishing season hasn't opened and a
fisherman who doesn't have a license, is casting for trout as a
stranger approaches and asks "Any luck?"
"Any luck? This is a
wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream
yesterday" he boasts.
"Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am?" asks the stranger.
"Well, meet the new game warden."
gulped the fisherman. "Well, do you know who I am?"
"Meet the biggest liar in the state."
One day, two guys Joe and Bob
fishing. A funeral service passes over the bridge they're
and Bob takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does
until the funeral service passes by.
Joe then said "Gee Bob, I
didn't know you had it in you!"
Bob then replies " It's the
least I could do. After all I was married
to her for 30 years."
Two blondes rented a fishing boat, and were
having a great day catching fish.
The first blonde said "This
is such a great spot, we need to mark it
so we can come back."
The second blonde proceeded to put a mark on the side of the boat.
The first blonde asked "What are you doing?"
blonde replied "Marking the spot."
"Don't be stupid" the first
blonde said. "What if we don't get the
same boat next time?"
Two Irishmen were walking down the street with
two salmon each under their arms.
Two other Irishmen
walking in the opposite direction see the two lucky
fishermen and ask "
how did you catch those ?"
Well its like this! Michael here
holds my legs over the bridge, and I
grab the salmon as they swim up
the river. We got four salmon A great
fishless pair look at each other and agree to give it a try.
to the bridge and Sean calls to his friend "hold my legs now
Well he is hanging there upside down for thirty minutes when
suddenly cries.. "pull me up, pull me up!!"
Paddy asks "
do you have a fish Sean?"............
No replies Sean,
"there's a bloody train coming!!!!!!!!"
priests were fishing on a boat when
they ran out of bait.
The first priest got up and walk across
the water to get some more
After 2 hours they ran out
of bait again and the second priest said he
would go get more
bait...so he got up and walk across the water.
After 3 hours of
fishing they ran out of bait again and the third
priest said he would
get more bait. So he stepped out of the boat and went
straight to the
The first priest turned to the second priest and asked,
have told him where the rocks were? "
An Irish priest loved to fly
fish, it was
an obsession of his. So far this year the weather had been so
that he hadn't had a chance to get his beloved wadders on and his
favourite flies out of their box
Strangly though, every Sunday
the weather had been good, but of course
Sunday is the day he has to
go to work.
The weather forcast was good again for the coming
Sunday so he called a
fellow priest claiming to have lost his voice
and be in bed with the
flu. He asked him to take over his
The fly fishing priest drove fifty miles to a river near the coast
that no one would recognise him. An angel up in Heaven was
and saw what the priest was doing. He told God who agreed
that he would
do something about it.
With the first cast of
his line a huge fish mouth gulped down the fly.
For over an hour
the priest ran up and down the river bank fighting the
the end when he finally landed the monster size fish it turned
to be a world record Salmon.
Confused the angel asked God, "Why
did you let him catch that huge
fish? I thought you were going to
teach him a lesson."
God replied "I did. Who do you think he's
going to tell?"
fishermen were fishing when they
came upon a mermaid, the mermaid offered
them one wish each so the
first fisherman said: "double my I.Q" so
the mermaid did it and to his
surprise he started reciting shakespeare.
Then the second
fisherman said: "triple my I.Q." and sure enough the
mermaid did it and
amazingly he started doing math problems he didn't
The third fisherman was so impressed he asked the mermaid to
his I.Q and the mermaid said "Are you sure about this? It
your whole life!" the fisherman said "yes" so the mermaid
into a woman
A small town Doctor was famous in the area for
always catching large fish.
One day while he was on one of
his frequent fishing trips he got a call
that a woman at a
neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her
aid and delivered a
healthy baby boy.
The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so
the Doctor used his
The baby weighed 22 lbs
A couple of young guys were fishing
their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped
the game warden.
Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod
down and started running
through the woods like a bat out of hell and
hot on his heels came the
After about a half
mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his
hands on his thighs
to catch his breath and the game warden finally caught
up to him.
"Let's see yer fishin license, boy!" the warden gasped.
With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the game warden a
valid fishing license.
"Well, son," said the Game Warden.
"You must be about as dumb as a
box of rocks! You don't have to run
from me if you have a valid
"Yes sir," replied the
young feller. "But my friend back there,
well, he don't have
Heard the one about the three blondes that
went ice fishing and didn't catch anything?
By the time they
cut a hole big enough for the boat to fit in it was
time to go
One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman
hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice
are no fish down there."
He walked several yards
away and drilled another hole and peered into
the hole and again the
voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He then walked about
50 yards away and drilled another hole and again
the voice said,
"There's no fish down there."
He looked up into the sky and
asked, "God, is that you?"
"No, you idiot," the voice said, "it's
the rink manager."
to daughter advice: Cook a man a
fish and you feed him for a day. But
teach a man to fish and you get
rid of him for the whole weekend.