Woman: Why are you begging for a quarter? Beggar: I didn't think someone like you would give me a dollar.

"What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? They were all born on holidays."

What did General Patton do on Thanksgiving? He gave tanks.

"You know an ancestor of mine came over on the Mayflower." "Really? Which rat was he?"

Teacher: "What did the Indians bring to the first Thanksgiving?" Student: "Baseballs." Teacher: "Baseballs?" Student: "Yeah, they were Cleveland Indians!"

Why did the Pilgrims create Thanksgiving? They wanted another excuse to watch football.

What was the greatest accomplishment of the early Romans ? Speaking Latin !

Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons ? He wanted Mark Antony !

Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America ? On their feet !

Why does history keep repeating itself ? Because we weren't listening the first time !

Who succeeded the first President of the USA ? The second one !

If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who supported Atlas ? His wife !

When did Caesar reign ? I didn't know he reigned. Of course he did, didn't they hail him ?

Why did the Romans build straight roads ? So their soldiers didn't go around the bend !

What did Caesar say to Cleopatra ? Toga-ether we can rule the world !

Why were the early days of history called the dark ages ? Because there were so many knights !

Why did Arthur have a round table ? So no one could corner him !

Who invented King Arthur's round table ? Sir Circumference !

What was King Arthur's favourite game ? Knights and crosses !

What was Camelot ? A place where people parked their camels !