Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder. "I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder." "What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light." "What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him." So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, intelligence'?" The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!" The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. T he ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."

I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it up and took a look at it cause it was prettier than most. The clerk said, "It's made in Germany". I said, "That's too bad, I can't use it then". The clerk said, "What's the matter? You don't like German pens?" I said, "No. I just never learned to write German."

Did you hear about the hillbilly who went into the hardware store to buy a chain saw ? He said I want one that will cut down at least 10 trees a day. He was back at the hardware store with the saw a couple days later complaining that it only cut one tree and that took all day. The clerk at the hardware store started the saw to see what the problem was. The hillbilly jumped back and said what the hell is that noise?

She's so stupid she thinks a shoplifter is a very strong person who goes round picking up shops.

Fred: Do you think I'm a fool? Harry: No. But what's my opinion against thousands of others?

Did you hear about the fool who keeps going round saying "no"? No. Oh, so it's you!

A man went into a pet shop to buy a parrot. He was shown an especially fine one which he liked the look of, but he was puzzled by the two strings which were tied to its feet. "What are they for?" he asked the pet shop manager. "Ah well, sir," came the reply, "that's a very unusual feature of this particular parrot. You see, he's a trained parrot, sir, he used to be in the circus. If you pull the string on his left foot he says 'Hello' and if you pull the string on his left foot he says 'Goodbye'." "And what happens if you pull both strings at once?" "I fall off my perch, you fool!" screeched the parrot.

How does an idiot call for his dog? He puts two fingers in his mouth and then shouts Rover.

Did you hear about the idiot who made his chickens drink boiling water? He thought they would lay hard boiled eggs.

Did you hear about the village idiot buying bird seed? He said he wanted to grow some birds.

I can't understand the critics saying that only an idiot would like that television program. I really enjoyed it.

What do you get when you cross an idiot with a watch? A cuckoo clock.

Why did the idiot plant nickels in his garden? He wanted to raise some hard cash.

Two men were knocking in nails to the sides of a house, one of them kept throwing them away. "Why do you keep throwing nails away" said the other. "Because they have the point at the wrong end", he replied "You fool, we could use those on the other side of the house!"

What did the stupid ghost do? He used to climb over walls.

What do you call a stupid skeleton? Bonehead.

Did you hear about the stupid wizard? He couldn't remember if he used to be forgetful.

Did you hear about the stupid woodworm? He was found in a brick.

What do stupid kids do at Halloween? They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins.