Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on
the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked
"I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw
you down, and then you
can pick up the ladder."
you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my
you can climb down on the beam of light."
"What, do you think
I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight
when I'm halfway
Two men were digging a ditch on a very
day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole
ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a
don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."
he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we
digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence,"
the boss said. "What do you mean, intelligence'?"
said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree
want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch
digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss
removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said,
The ditch digger went back to his hole.
His friend asked, "What did he
say?" "He said we are down here
because of intelligence." "What's
intelligence?" said the friend. T
he ditch digger put his hand on his
face and said, "Take your
shovel and hit my hand."
I saw a pen in a
store the other
day. I picked it up and took a look at it
cause it was prettier than
The clerk said, "It's made in Germany".
I said, "That's too
bad, I can't use it then".
The clerk said, "What's the matter? You
don't like German pens?"
I said, "No. I just never learned to write
Did you hear
about the hillbilly who
went into the hardware store to
buy a chain saw ?
He said I want
one that will cut down at least 10 trees a day.
He was back at the
hardware store with the saw a couple days later
complaining that it
cut one tree and that took all day.
The clerk at the hardware
store started the saw to see what the
jumped back and said what the hell is that
She's so stupid she thinks a shoplifter
is a very strong person who goes
round picking up shops.
Fred: Do you think I'm a fool?
Harry: No. But what's my opinion against thousands of others?
you hear about the fool who
keeps going round saying "no"?
Oh, so it's you!
A man went into a pet shop to buy a
parrot. He was
shown an especially fine one which he liked the look
of, but he was
puzzled by the two strings which were tied to its
feet. "What are they
for?" he asked the pet shop manager. "Ah well,
sir," came the reply,
"that's a very unusual feature of this
particular parrot. You see,
he's a trained parrot, sir, he used to be in
the circus. If you pull the
string on his left foot he says
'Hello' and if you pull the string on
his left foot he says 'Goodbye'."
"And what happens if you pull
both strings at once?" "I fall off my
perch, you fool!" screeched the
How does an idiot call for his dog?
He puts two fingers in his mouth and then shouts Rover.
Did you hear
about the idiot who
made his chickens drink boiling water?
He thought they would lay hard
Did you hear about the village idiot
buying bird seed?
He said he wanted to grow some birds.
I can't understand the critics
saying that only an idiot would like that television program. I really
What do you get when you cross an idiot
with a watch?
A cuckoo clock.
Why did the idiot plant nickels in his
He wanted to raise some hard cash.
Two men were knocking in nails to
the sides of a house, one of them kept throwing them away.
you keep throwing nails away" said the other.
"Because they have the
point at the wrong end", he replied
"You fool, we could use those on
the other side of the house!"
What did the stupid ghost do?
used to climb over walls.
What do you call a stupid skeleton?
Did you hear about the stupid wizard?
He couldn't remember if he used to be forgetful.
Did you hear about
He was found in a brick.
What do stupid kids do at Halloween?
They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins.