What kind of doctor fixes broken
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers
does it take
to change a light bulb?
A: Exactly five
1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the
bulb has been changed.
7 to share similar experiences of
changing light bulbs and how the
light bulb could have been changed
differently or to caution about the
dangers of changing light
17 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about
21 to flame the spell checkers.
write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb
discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
32 to post that
this list is not about light bulbs and to please take
exchange to alt.lite.bulb.
69 to demand that cross posting to
alt.grammar, alt.spelling and
alt.punctuation about changing light bul
bs be stopped.
41 to defend the posting to this list saying
that we all use light
bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to
this mail list.
106 to debate which method of changing light bulbs
is superior, where
to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light
bulbs work best for
this technique, and what brands are
12 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light
8 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post
2 to post about links they found from the
URLs that are relevant to
this list which makes light bulbs relevant
to this list.
15 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote
them including all
headers and footers, and then add pointedly, "Me
6 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because
handle the light bulb controversy.
9 to quote the
"Me Too's" and happily add, "Me Three!"
3 to suggest that
posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new
24 to say this is just what
alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave
53 votes for
What's O. J. Simpson's Internet
Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.
Can you show me how to
I'd better - otherwise you'll just go round and round in
Do you want some help using the Internet,
No thanks, Dad, I can muck it up all by myself.
Does your mum like shopping on the
No, the trolley keeps rolling off the top of the computer.
How do you
find white shirts on the
Use a starch engine.
How does the vicar explore the
With the church mouse.
I hear you've been tracing your ancestors on
Yes - and it's a mammoth task!
I hope you're not one of those
who spends all day on the Net and doesn't get any exercise.
miss, I often sit around watching TV and not getting exercise
I never thought that the Internet was very
useful, but now I've changed my mind.
Let's hope your new one
works better then the one you had before.
see you've got your bill for using the
Yes, and my dad's really going to get the hump!
I use the internet
to tell me what the
How do you do that?
I carry my laptop outside and
if it gets wet, I know it's
Since you've discovered the Internet, you
don't pay any attention to
Who said that?
So what exactly can I learn on the
Anything you like - it can even teach you to talk like an
See? It's working already.
Teacher: Don't forget to check the Internet
if you have trouble with your homework questions.
not the questions I have trouble with, it's the
Teacher: What are the four
Pupil: Fire, Earth, Water and the Internet.
Teacher: What do you mean the
Pupil: Well, Mum says that whenever I'm on the Net, I'm
What do you call someone who spends 24 hours
a day on the Internet?
Anything you like, they're not listening to
the Internet football team
Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the
Because they can't stop saving their work.