Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and upon reading it burst into floods of tears. "What's the matter?" asked her companion. "Oh dear," sobbed Auntie, "It's my favorite nephew. He's got three feet." "Three feet?" exclaimed her friend. "Surely that's not possible?" "Well," said Auntie, "his mother's just written to tell me he's grown another foot !"

Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma like I told you to? Yes Mom. Your handwriting seems very large. Well, Grandma's very deaf, so I'm writing very loudly.

Which two letters are rotten for your teeth? D K

Why is the letter "t" so important to a stick insect? Without it would be a sick insect.

Have you ever seen a duchess? Yes - it's the same as an English "s"

What do snakes write on the bottom of their letters? With love and hisses.

What's the definition of a school report? A poison pen letter from the principal.

Why did the young witch have such difficulty writing letters? She had never learned to spell properly.

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers? Fang mail.

What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend? It's a dead letter day.

How does a ghost start a letter? Tomb it may concern.

Last night I wrote myself a letter. But I forgot to sign it and now I don't know who it's from.

What did the werewolf write at the bottom of the letter? Best vicious . . .

Betty was scribbling industriously over some paper with a pencil when her mother asked her what she was drawing. "I'm not drawing, Mom," she said indignantly, "I'm writing a letter to Fred." "But you can't write," Mom pointed out. "That's all right," said Betty, "Fred can't read."

How did skeletons send each other letters in the days of the Wild West? By Bony Express.

Teacher: Frd, give me a sentence starting with "I." Fred: I is . . . Teacher: No, Fred. You must always say "I am." Fred: Oh, right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

I got an anonymous letter today. Oh, really - who was it from?!

1st vampire: How things? 2nd vampire: Terrible! Today I received a letter saying I'm overdrawn by 50 pints at the blood bank.

An old lady walked in to the post office to buy stamps and as she was short-sighted the clerk offered to stick the stamps on for her. `Wait a minute,' he said, `you've written the address upside down.' `I know,' said the little old lady, `the letter is going to Australia.'

An Irishman went into a post office to see if there were any letters for him. "I'll see, sir," said the clerk. "What is your name?" "You're having me on now because I'm Irish," said the Irishman. "Won't you see the name on the envelope?"