What brings the monster's babies? The Frankenstork.

Did you hear about the monster who went to a holiday camp? He won the ugly mug and knobbly knees competition and he wasn't even entered.

How does Frankenstein sit in his chair? Bolt upright.

What did one of Frankenstein's ears say to the other? I didn't know we lived on the same block.

How did Frankenstein's monster eat his lunch? He bolted it down.

Why did Frankenstein squeeze his girlfriend to death? He had a crush on her.

How did Dr Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster? On a piece rate.

Frankenstein was sitting in his cell when suddenly through the wall came the ghost of his monster, with a rope round his neck. Frankenstein said, "Monster, monster, what are you doing here?" The monster said, "Well, boss, they hanged me this morning so now I've come to meet my maker."

What happened to Frankenstein's monster on the road? He was stopped for speeding, fined $50 and dismantled for six months.

What does Frankenstein's monster call a screwdriver? Daddy.

What happened to Frankenstein's stupid son? He had so much wax in his ears that he became a permanent contributor to Madame Tussaud's.

Dr Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It's a new pill consisting of 50 per cent glue and 50 per cent aspirin. Igor: But what's it for? Dr Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.

Igor: Only this morning Dr Frankenstein completed another amazing operation. He crossed an ostrich with a centipede. Dracula: And what did he get? Igor: We don't know - we haven't managed to catch it yet.

What happened when Dr Frankenstein swallowed some uranium? He got atomic ache.

Monster: Someone told me Dr Frankenstein invented the safety match. Igor: Yes, that was one of his most striking achievements.

What do you call a mouse that can pick up a monster? Sir.

Why did the monster stop playing with his brother? He got tired of kicking him around.

What do you call a monster with a wooden head? Edward.

What does a polite monster say when he meets you for the first time? Pleased to eat you!

How do you tell a good monster from a bad one? If it's a good one you will be able to talk about it later!