Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat minor.

Q: What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away? A: Root position cords.

Q: How do you get 2 piccolos to play a perfect unison? A: Shoot one.

Q: Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?" A: The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife."

Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? A: It's all in the grip.

Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax? A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors don't mind if you don't return the sax when you borrow it.

Q: How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Five. One to handle the bulb, and 4 to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

Q: If you were out in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune tenor sax player, an out-of-tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus? A: The out-of-tune sax player! You were hallucinating the other two.

Q: What's the definition of a gentleman? A: One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn? A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes.

Q: What is the difference between a trombone and a trumpet? A: A trombone will bend before it breaks.

Q: There is a frog driving east and a trombonist walking west. What can be surmised from this? A: The frog's probably on its way to a gig.

Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say, "I could do that better.

Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control? A: Their personality.

Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? A: King Kong is more sensitive.

Q: What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

Q: How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door? A: The doorbell shrieks!

Q: What is the range of a tuba? A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm.

Tuba Player: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so.

Q: How do you fix a broken tuba? A: With a "tuba glue."