A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down
and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and
the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager
"Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you
didn't pay for
The panda yells back at the
manager, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it
The manager opens
his dictionary and sees the following definition for
panda: "A tree
dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by
and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
couples are dining
The American husband says to his wife: "Pass me the honey, Honey".
English husband says to his wife: "Pass me the sugar, Sugar".
[you name it] husband says to his wife: "Pass me the steak, Dumb
Two men were in a restaurant and ordered
fish. The waiter
brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the
other. One of the men said
to the other, "Please help yourself." The
other one said "Okay",
and helped himself to the larger fish. After
a tense silence, the first
one said, "really, now, if you had
offered me the first choice, I would
have taken the smaller fish!" The
other one replied, "What are you
complaining for; you have it,
"What flavors of ice cream
do you have?"
inquired the customer.
"Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate,"
answered the new waitress in a
Trying to be
sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do you have
replied the new waitress with some effort, "just...erm....
strawberry, and chocolate."
Did you hear about the new
the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.
How many cafeteria staff does it take to
change a light bulb?
"Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and I've
just cashed up."
many McDonald's counter girls does
it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to put
some chips with it.
A man walks
into a Chinese restaurant
but is told by the
Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty
"Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?", he says.
man goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"
man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."
The bartender pauses
for a few seconds, then smiles and
says, "Once upon time, there were
FOUR little peegs . . . "
the restaurant called "Out of
Because it was full of Unidentified Frying Objects.
decided to take all the
family out to a restaurant for a meal. As he'd
spent quite a lot
of money for the meal he said to the waiter, "Could I
have a bag to
take the leftovers home for the dog?"
"Gosh!" exclaimed Jane, "Are
we getting a dog?"
Customer to friend: This is a wonderful
restaurant. I ordered salad and I got the freshest salad in the world,
ordered coffee, and I got the freshest coffee in the
Friend: I know - I ordered a small steak and got a calf.
At our local
restaurant you can eat
dirt cheap - but who wants to eat dirt?
I have some two-handed cheese,
please?" a man in a restaurant asked
"What do you
mean, 'two-handed cheese'?' asked the waiter.
"You know, the kind
you eat with one hand and hold your nose with the
Patron 1: I eat at a different restaurant
Patron 2: I don't tip, either.
Eulus stood in front of the take-out
window of a Rawl-ins fast food restaurant. "I want two hamburgers,"
he said. "One with onions, and one without."
The counter man:
"Okay. Which one's without the onions?"
I went to a restaurant that serves
-breakfast at any time.- So I ordered French Toast during the
Have you ever seen a man-eating tiger
No, but in the restaurant next door I once saw a man eating chicken
Girl: How much is a soft drink
Waitress: Fifty cents.
Girl: How much is refill ?
Waitress: The first is
Girl: Well then, I'll have a refill.
What does a Chinese restaurant
Hello? Fred's Restaurant.
like to know, do you serve crabs?
We serve anyone, sir! Come on