A salesman walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared. "I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well -- only double." The salesman thought about this for a while. "For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars," he announced. Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. "But your rival has just received $20,000,000," the genie said. "I've always wanted a Ferrari," the salesman said. Instantly a Ferrari appeared. "But your rival has just received two Ferraris," the genie said. "And what is your last wish?" "Well," said the salesman, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant."

How do salespeople traditionally greet each other? "Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."

A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress. Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside."

Two shoe salespeople were sent to Africa to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one salesperson called the office and said, "I'm returning on the next flight. Can't sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot." At the same time the other salesperson sent an email to the factory, telling "The prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!"

A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem. The software manager says, "I can't do anything about this - it's a hardware problem." The hardware manager says, "Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself." The marketing manager says, "Hey, 75% of it is working - let's ship it!"

A salesman who was out on his territory had a heart attack in his motel room and died. The motel manager called the salesman's company and related the tragedy to the sales manager. The sales manager received the news in a nonchalant manner and told the motel manager, "Return his samples by freight and search his pants for orders."

How can you tell when a salesperson is lying? His lips are moving.

A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman manages to bull his way into a woman's home in a rural area. "This machine is the best ever" he exclaims, whilst pouring a bag of dirt over the lounge floor. The woman says she's really worried it may not all come off, so the salesman says, "If this machine doesn't remove all the dust completely, I'll lick it off myself." "Do you want ketchup on it?" she says, "we're not connected for electricity yet!"

The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice his pitch on his wife. The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out. Well," the man began, "I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her if she would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said 'Yes.' Then I asked her 'why ?' She replied, 'Because I love you'."

A traveling salesman was held up by a bad storm in the Hawaiian Islands. He sent an e-mail to his corporate headquarters advising them that he was stranded for a few days and requested instructions. The reply came back shortly: "Begin vacation as of yesterday."

Insurance agent to would-be client: "Don't let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonite. If you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.

The couple was standing staring at one of the more expensive models in the auto showroom. A salesman sensing their debate over the price moved in and said, "This model is priced just over the car which is priced a few dollars above the car which costs no more than some models of the lowest priced cars."

An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer. "Look at it this way sir." he said finally. "How would your wife carry on if you should die ?" "Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I don't reckon that'd be any concern of mine -- long as she behaves herself while I'm alive."

A policeman came upon a super-salesman about to jump from a bridge and yelled, "Wait, Fellow! Please don't do that !!!" The salesman said, "Why not ?" and proceeded to expound on his views on the shaky economy, declining family life and Clinton politics. Shortly thereafter, they both jumped.

A woman was shopping in a fairly nice dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the salesman the price. When he told her she launched into a tirade about prices these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto tires. After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had enuff and said, "My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and obviously so offensive to you, why do you bother ?"

Had a door-to-door salesman call one time selling of all things -- burial plots. I told him that we already had our plots in another cemetery. He seemed uncertain as to what to say next, but he recovered to say politely, "I hope you'll be very happy there."

Patient: Doctor, you have to help me stop talking to myself. Doctor: Why is that? Patient: I'm a salesman and I keep selling myself things I don't want.

"No, no, no!" said the enraged businessman to the persistent salesman. "I cannot see you today!" "That's fine," said the salesman, "I'm selling spectacles."

Salesman: Roll up, roll up! Come to our mammoth sale. Mammoth bargains to be had in our mammoth sale. Customer: Forget it! No one round here's got room in their houses for a mammoth.

One day Mikey was sitting in his apartment when his doorbell unexpectedly rang. He answered the door and found a salesman standing on his porch with a strange object. "What is that?" Mikey asked. "It's a thermos," the salesman replied. "What does it do?" asked Mikey. "This baby," the salesman said, "keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." After some deliberation Mikey bought one, deciding it would really help his lunch situation. The next day he arrived at the plant where he works. Sure enough, all the other employees were curious about his new object. "What is it?" they asked. "It's a thermos," Mikey replied. "What does it do?" they asked. "Well," Mikey says in a bragging manner, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." "What do ya got in it?" To which Mikey says, "Three cups of coffee and a popsicle."