A salesman walking along the beach found a
bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.
grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But since
still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as
well -- only double."
The salesman thought about this for a while.
"For my first wish, I
would like ten million dollars," he
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and
the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. "But your rival has
received $20,000,000," the genie said.
always wanted a Ferrari," the salesman said.
Instantly a Ferrari
appeared. "But your rival has just received two
Ferraris," the genie said.
"And what is your last wish?"
"Well," said the salesman, "I've
always wanted to donate a kidney
How do salespeople traditionally greet each
"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."
A salesman was
combs in a department store. He was impressing the
stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of
Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he
bent the comb
completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack.
Without missing a
beat, he bravely held up both halves of the
'unbreakable' comb for
everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and
gentlemen, is what an
unbreakable comb looks like on the inside."
Two shoe salespeople were
sent to Africa
to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one
called the office and said, "I'm returning on the next
Can't sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot."
At the same time the
other salesperson sent an email to the factory,
prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!"
software manager, a hardware manager,
and a marketing manager are driving
to a meeting when a tire blows.
They get out of the car and look at the
manager says, "I can't do anything about this - it's a
The hardware manager says, "Maybe if we turned the car
off and on
again, it would fix itself."
manager says, "Hey, 75% of it is working - let's ship
A salesman who was out on his territory had a
heart attack in his motel room and died. The motel manager called
salesman's company and related the tragedy to the sales
The sales manager received the news in a nonchalant manner and
motel manager, "Return his samples by freight and search
his pants for
How can you tell when a salesperson is
His lips are moving.
A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman
to bull his way into a woman's home in a rural
"This machine is the best ever" he exclaims, whilst pouring a bag of
dirt over the lounge floor.
The woman says she's really worried
it may not all come off, so the
salesman says, "If this machine
doesn't remove all the dust completely,
I'll lick it off
"Do you want ketchup on it?" she says, "we're not connected for
The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job
vacuum cleaner salesman to make ends meet. After 3 days of
training, the sales manager told him to go home and practice
his pitch on
The next morning, the manager asked
the novice how he made out.
Well," the man began, "I did what you
said, and after I finished, I
asked her if she would buy the vacuum
cleaner from me. She said 'Yes.'
Then I asked her 'why ?' She
replied, 'Because I love you'."
traveling salesman was held up by a bad
storm in the Hawaiian Islands.
He sent an e-mail to his corporate
headquarters advising them that he
was stranded for a few days and
The reply came back shortly: "Begin
vacation as of yesterday."
Insurance agent to would-be client: "Don't
let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonite. If
wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.
was standing staring at one of
the more expensive models in the auto
showroom. A salesman sensing
their debate over the price moved in and
said, "This model is
priced just over the car which is priced a few
dollars above the car
which costs no more than some models of the lowest
An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in
to sell a policy to a farmer. "Look at it this way
sir." he said
finally. "How would your wife carry on if you should die
"Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I don't reckon
be any concern of mine -- long as she behaves herself while
A policeman came upon a super-salesman about
to jump from a bridge
and yelled, "Wait, Fellow! Please don't do
The salesman said, "Why not ?" and proceeded to expound
on his views
on the shaky economy, declining family life and
Shortly thereafter, they both jumped.
A woman was shopping in a
dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the
the price. When he told her she launched into a tirade about
these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto
After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had
enuff and said,
"My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and
offensive to you, why do you bother ?"
Had a door-to-door salesman call one time
selling of all things -- burial plots. I told him that we already had
plots in another cemetery.
He seemed uncertain as to
what to say next, but he recovered to say
politely, "I hope you'll be
very happy there."
Patient: Doctor, you
have to help me stop
talking to myself.
Doctor: Why is that?
Patient: I'm a
salesman and I keep selling myself things I don't
"No, no, no!" said the enraged businessman to
salesman. "I cannot see you today!" "That's fine,"
said the salesman,
"I'm selling spectacles."
Salesman: Roll up, roll up! Come to our
mammoth sale. Mammoth bargains to be had in our mammoth sale.
Customer: Forget it! No one round here's got room in their houses for
One day Mikey was sitting in his apartment
doorbell unexpectedly rang. He answered the door and found a
standing on his porch with a strange object.
that?" Mikey asked. "It's a thermos," the salesman
does it do?" asked Mikey. "This baby," the salesman said,
things hot and cold things cold."
After some deliberation Mikey
bought one, deciding it would really help
his lunch situation. The next
day he arrived at the plant where he
works. Sure enough, all the
other employees were curious about his new
object. "What is it?" they
"It's a thermos," Mikey replied.
"What does it do?" they
"Well," Mikey says in a bragging manner, "It keeps hot things
and cold things cold."
"What do ya got in it?"
Mikey says, "Three cups of coffee and a popsicle."