Teacher: What's 2 and 2? Pupil: 4 Teacher: That's good. Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!

Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is? Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss!

Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour? Pupil: Because it can't sit down!

Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4? Pupil: That's not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!

When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom? Because there are no pupils to see!

Why did the teacher put the lights on? Because the class was so dim!

Teacher: How much is half of 8? Pupil: Up and down or across? Teacher: What do you mean? Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!

Great news, teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine. So what's so great about that? It's snowing outside!

Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had

An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had

Where did all the cuts and blood come from? The school went on a trip!

What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria? The food!

What kind of food do maths teachers eat? Square meals!

The food in our school canteen is perfect. If your a bug!

What's black and white all over and difficult? An exam paper!

Why aren't you doing very well in history? Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!

What was King Arthur's favourite game? Knights and crosses!

Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt? Yes, the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharoah's court!

Father: How do you like going to school? Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between!