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After my wife and her former best buddy,
another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted
husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means
of communication. When our phone
bills showed astronomical
increases, the other spouse and I sought
relief. Since we both owned
encourage our wives to use electronic mail.
call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent,
call back to confirm that it
arrived and have a conversation about
What do you call
an elephant in a phone
What do ghosts use to phone home?
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a
Doctor: Why's that?
I keep getting calls in the night.
At three o'clock one morning a
veterinary surgeon was woken from a deep sleep by the ringing of his
telephone. He staggered downstairs and answered the phone. "I'm sorry if
I woke you," said a voice at the other end of the line. "That's all
right," said the vet, "I had to get up to answer the telephone
Why did the alien phone home on his mobile?
Because it was so ET !
Who was that on the phone, Fred?
No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance
Australia, so I told him I knew that already and put the phone down
Why did Dr Frankenstein have his telephone
Because he wanted to win the Nobel prize!
The new office-boy came
into his boss's
office and said, "I think you're wanted on the phone,
"What d'you mean, you think?" demanded the boss.
"Well, sir, the
phone rang, I answered it and a voice said 'is that
you, you old
Mother: Why was the phone busy all
Babysitter: The fire department put me on hold.
The phone in Rigby's Georgia farmhouse rang
one evening. When he answered, the operator said, "This is long
distance from Chicago." "I knowed it's a long distance from Chicago!"
answered the farmer. "How come you called to tell me that?"
awakened by the telephone at
four A.M. It was his Ku Klux Klan buddy,
Crumm, calling long
distance from Montgomery. "What's the matter?"
asked Moody. "Are you in
trouble?" "No!" said Crumm.
"What do you want, then?" "Nothing!"
"Then how come you are
calling me in the middle of the night?"
asked Moody. "Cause!" said the
other redneck, "the rates is
Kelso met Hensley on the
said Kelso, "how come I never hear from you? Why don't you
on the telephone?" "You ain't got no tellyphone!" said
know," said Kelso. "But you do!"
A man and a couple of
his friends had
just finished a round of golf at the country club and
changing their shoes when a cell phone on the bench rang. The
it up and answered it.
"Hi honey," said the woman on the other end.
"Hi honey," replied the man.
"I was just calling to
tell you about this fur coat I found today.
It's beautiful fox fur
and I just love the way it looks on me. It's on
sale too, a real
bargain. It's down to $2000 from $4000. Can I get
man thought about it for a sec and said, "You're sure it's a
"Oh yes," replied the woman.
"Okay then, I guess
you can get it," replied the man.
The woman continued,"Oh, and
you know how we've been thinking about
getting rid of the Lexus
and getting a new Jaguar? Well, I went to the
dealership today and
the guy gave me a real deal. He said he'd lower
the price from
$50,000 to $35,000 just for me. Can I get it?"
thought a little harder and said,"If you're sure it's a good
yes, go ahead and get the Jaguar."
The woman continued again.
"Oh, one last thing, honey. Remember that
house we saw last month
that we really liked, but decided we'd wait and
think about? Well,
it's on the market again, so I checked the price.
It's down to
$450,000 and I checked with the bank and we have enough in
checking account so that I can just write a check. Should I get
The man got a frown on his face and said,"See if you can get them
to $420,000. If they'll go down to that, go ahead and get it."
The woman was extremely excited. "Okay honey, thank you so
see you when I get home! Bye!"
"Bye," said the man.
He hung up the phone and looked at the other men
in the locker room
and said, "Does anyone know whose phone this
Harry was madly in love with Betty, but
couldn't pluck up enough
courage to pop the question face to face.
Finally he decided to ask her on
the telephone. 'Darling!' he
blurted out, 'will you marry me?'
'Of course, I will, you silly boy,'
she replied, 'who is it
How does a skeleton call her friends?
What asks no question but demands an
A doorbell or a ringing telephone.
What did the man say when he got a
"Who said talk is cheap?"
Why is an engaged girl like a
Because they both have rings.
If you cross a telephone and a lobster
what will you get?
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