What do you call a gigantic polar bear? Nothing, you just run away!

What animal do you look like when you get into the bath ? A little bear !

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" The bird said, "You know."

There are bats hanging of a branch upside down, all except one. Two bats comment: "What's happened to this one? - I don't know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.

A vampire bat came flapping in from a night of foraging, covered in fresh blood. He parked himself on the cave's roof to get some sleep. Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. "OK, follow me." He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "Do you see that tree over there?" "YES, YES, YES!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "Well I didn't!"

A boy at a cinema notices what looks like a bear sitting next to him "Are you a bear?" "Yes" "What are you doing at the movies ?" "Well, I liked the book!"

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving? They couldn't get the moose in the oven!

What's a pet's favorite day? ...Saint Petrick's Day

What should you call a bald teddy ? Fred bear !

What kind of money do polar bears use ? Ice lolly !

A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet," Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. "It's definitely dead sir", says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be L1000, please". "A L1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".

Why do bears have fur coats ? Because they'd look stupid in anoraks !

What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig ? A teddy boar !

How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts !

Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet ? It lives on ice !

What's a teddy bears favourite pasta ? Tagliateddy !

What is a bear's favourite drink ? Koka-Koala !

Why was the little bear so spoiled ? Because its mother panda'd to its every whim !

What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle ? A polo bear !

Why do polo bears like bald men ? Because they have a great, white, bear place !