You're hiking around on Hampsted Heath (a park near London) at the end of a long sunny day. You run across (separately) the ghosts of Sir Winston Churchill, Sir Baden Powell, and Sir Edmund Hillary, who all give you directions to the nearest tube stop. Whom don't you believe? Your story teller, for there is no such thing as a completely sunny day in England.

Why did your sister cut a hole in her new umbrella ? Because she wanted to be able to tell when it stopped raining.

'You never get anything right,' complained the teacher. 'What kind of job do you think you'll get when you leave school ?' 'Well, I want to be the weather girl on TV.'

What did Santa Claus's wife say during a thunderstorm? 'Come and look at the rain, dear.'

How do sheep keep warm in winter ? Central bleating !

How did you find the weather at camp? It was easy. I just went outside - and there it was!

A city boy was on his first camping trip. He was eating his lunch under a tree when an old-timer came along. 'It smells like rain,' he said to the boy. The city boy replied, 'They said it was lemonade.'

A man was driving a black truck. His lights were not on. The moon was not out. A lady was crossing the street. How did the man see her? It was a bright, sunny day.

If six children and two dogs were under an umbrella, how come none of them got wet? Because it wasn't raining.

What doesn't get any wetter no matter how much it rains? The ocean

What is a Mexican weather report? Chilli today, hot tamale.

If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather, what does he raise in wet weather? An umbrella.

Why is it so wet in Great Britain? Because of all the kings and queens that reigned (rained) there.

What person adds best in hot weather? A summer.

What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day? A wet one.

If a band plays music in a thunderstorm, who is most likely to get hit by lightning? The conductor.

Who is it that everybody listens to but nobody believes? The weatherman.

Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? Because then the children have to play inside.

Why do hurricanes travel so fast? Because if they travelled slowly, we'd have to call them slow-i-canes.

What is a tornado ? Mother nature doing the twist !