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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
- It allows them to stand closer to the sink.
How do you know when a
woman is about to say
- She starts her sentence with "A man once
How do you
fix a woman's watch?
doesn't matter. There is a clock on the oven.
If your dog is
barking at the back door and
your wife is yelling at the front door, who
do you let in first?
- The dog. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a
Male Chauvinist Pig?
- A woman that won't do what she's told.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months!
- I don't like to interrupt her.
Scientists have discovered a food
diminishes a woman's sex drive by up to 90%.
- It's called wedding
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
In the beginning, God created the earth and
rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
- Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Why do men die before
They want to.
A man inserted an advertisement in the
classifieds section with the heading "Wife Wanted."
- The next day
he received a hundred letters saying "You can have
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they
see a 5-story
hotel with a sign that reads, "For Women Only." Since
they are without
their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it
have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find
what you are
looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide
since each floor has
a sign telling you what's inside."
They start going up and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the
men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without
hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second
floor reads, "All the men here are short and
handsome." Still, this
isn't good enough, so the friends continue on
reach the third floor and the sign reads, "All the men here are
and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there
nare still two floors left, they continue on up.
On the fourth
floor, the sign is perfect. "All the men here are tall
handsome." The women get all excited and are about to go in when
realize that there is still one floor left.
Wondering what they
would be missing, they head on up to the fifth
fifth floor they find a sign that reads, "There are no men
floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a
A man was walking along a beach and stumbled
across an old
lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said "You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah.
the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick
wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said,
wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get
"Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can
drive over there to
The genie laughed and said,
"That's impossible! Think of the
logistics of that! How would the
supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?
Think of how much
concrete! How much steel! You're going to have to
think of another wish."
The man agreed, and tried to think of a really good wish.
said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My w
ives always said
that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So,
I wish that I could
understand women. I want to know how they feel
inside and what they're
thinking when they give me the silent
treatment. I want to figure out
why they're crying, know what they
really want when they say
'nothing', and know how to make them truly
The genie paused for a while and said, "How many lanes
do you want on
On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes
severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad
when one wing is struck by lightning.
One woman in
particular loses it. Screaming,she stands up in the front
plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells,
I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be
No one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had
it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"
For a moment there is silence. everyone has forgotten their own
and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the
front of the
plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane.
"I can make you
feel like a woman," he says. This tall, tanned and
built guy with jet
black eyes starts to walk slowly up the aisle,
unbuttoning his shirt
one button at a time.
No one move
s. As this man approaches, the woman begins to get excited.
removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches
and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and
whispers: "Iron this."
Why haven't Women landed on the Moon?
Because it doesn't need cleaning yet!
Should I have a baby after 35?
children is enough.
What Do you tell a woman with two black
Nothing, you told her twice.
What do you call a woman who has lost
Why do women pay more attention to their
to improving their minds?
Because most men are
stupid, but few are blind.
Teacher: Who was the
first woman on earth?
Fred: I don't know, Sir.
Teacher: Come on, Fred, it has
something to do with an apple.
Fred: Granny Smith?
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