9:03 am - Thursday November 5, 2015

The science behind a happy marriage

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They say opposites attract. Like ones, repel. However, marriage is a different set of algorithms. It’s far more complex, and calculated. Relationship counsellors claim that there are measures to make this fragile bond an ever lasting one. Here are six tried-and tested methods.
Spend similar
If you like to keep your wardrobe up to date with the latest fashion magazine in sight, and he prefers to live off his four pairs of jeans and shirts, this, according to the laws of love, is detrimental to your marriage. A recent study suggested that people who were financial opposites had greater conflicts over money and lower marital satisfaction in the end than those whose spending tendencies were similar. Even though a spendthrift will have greater debt when married to someone similar than when married to a tightwad, the spender is less likely to argue about money with the partner.

Be grateful about us
Be grateful for what you have, and the Universe will give you more opportunities and situations to be grateful for. Most feel gratitude, but seldom relay these feelings to their partners, assuming he or she just knows. Individuals who feel appreciated by their partners often hold less resentment over any imbalance in labour and more satisfaction with their relationships.

A study also suggested, spouses who use couple focused words such as `we,’ `our’ and `us’ when talking about a conflict show more affection, fewer negative behaviours such as anger, and lower physiological stress levels during the disagreement. Using words that expressed separateness, such as `I’, `you’, and `me’, during the discussion was associated with dissatisfaction.

Have a rollicking time in bed
You’ve likely met a neurotic in your lifetime, the person who gets upset easily, often has mood changes and worries constantly. Turns out, that personality trait doesn’t mix well in relationships and is strongly tied to negative marital outcomes than any other personality type. Frequent sex could be a solution. Even if the sex isn’t good now, keep at it: Another study found, it may get better with age. Men in their 50s are more satisfied with their sex lives than men in their 30s and 40s as it increases the bond.

Make it quick
If your spouse puts you off you now, the future is bleak.
According to a study showing that couples view one another as more irritating and demanding, the longer they are together. Researchers asked 800 individuals about their level of negativity towards their partner, children and friends. Spouses and partners took the top slot as the most annoying. And the negative views of spouses tended to increase over time. However, that increase in negativity could be a normal part of relationships.

Be strong
While on the subject of spouses driving one another mad, not to worry, says a researcher who has found that some marriages actually thrive on negative behaviours. For couples with serious problems, the best way to breed a happier marriage, it seems is by placing blame on each other, telling the other person to change, and being less forgiving. In fact, a research has found that if unhappy couples practise same positive thoughts about behaviours, their relationships seem to get worse over time. There is evidence to suggest placing blame and other negative exchanges can motivate partners to change. A research suggests marriage counsellors might do well to encourage troubled couples to be more critical of one another.

Work hard at it
Love can stand the test of time if you apply elbow grease. In a study, researchers analysed surveys of several people, including new relationships and marriages that had lasted at least 20 years. A high number of people were still much in love with their long-term partners, though the researchers drew a distinction between romantic love, which can endure, and passionate or obsessive love, which tends to fade away soon.

The key to keeping that romance alive: hard work. Research has suggested these couples spend time and care about the relationship; they seem to be able to resolve conflicts relatively smoothly. Studies have also shown novel experiences can stimulate the production of the neuro-chemicals dopamine and norepinephrine, which show up in the brain in the early, blissful stages of a relationship.

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