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The Bombay High Court Monday granted bail to Sooraj Pancholi accused of abetting the suicide of Bollywood actress Nafisa alias Jiah Khan.
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Lifestyle
 

How lying can help your love life from falling apart

Sunday - Feb 10, 2013, 10:25pm (GMT+5.5)
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New York - Even in good relationships, trust is shaky, as having complete and total confidence in a partner seems to be a struggle for most of us, a new study has found.

Only 39 percent of women, according to the Normal Bar data, completely trust their partners, compared to 53 percent of men, the Huffington Post reported.

It may be that a lot of couples intuitively know or have learned by experience that their spouse or live-in partner has the potential to rove.

Women in heterosexual relationships know the same thing that many studies have shown - that men are more interested in and titillated about sex outside the relationship, and that may account for a higher percentage of women who doubt their partner’s honesty and fidelity.

On the other hand, nearly half of men suspect their partners, too. Both men and women believe that their partners will hide unpleasant truths, and that they may have to dig to find out what is really going on.

Nearly three-quarters of our respondents (75 percent of men and 71 percent of women) said that they lie to their partners to one degree or another.

Only 27 percent of the respondents said they never ever lie.

Even among extremely happy couples, 69 percent of men and women said that they’ve lied at some point to their partners.

But the fact that very happy partners lie demands some further scrutiny.

For most couples, some lying is necessary to keep the peace, to protect each other’s feelings, and to preserve a sense of safety in the relationship.

The 27 percent who never lie may be righteous, but they can also be cruelly frank.

Men and women who shade the truth may be more loving and protective.

Even well-intentioned lies, however, can hurt the relationship if the truth that’s withheld is something the partner has every right and need to know.

Knowing when a lie is reasonable and when it is reprehensible isn’t always an easy call.

Relationships are supposed to be open, sharing, and honest. But 59 percent of men and 56 percent of women lie about their feelings.

Half of all partners not only stifle their emotions but also give misleading feedback about what’s going on in their head and heart.

As you might guess, people who are less happy lie the most. In fact, 72 percent of unhappy partners choose not to share their true feelings with their partners.

Whether this emotional deception is a cause or an effect of the overall unhappiness, it makes it very difficult to fix the relationship.

The surprising finding, however, is that 48 percent of extremely happy partners also lie about their feelings.

Also, just as men are more likely to tell white lies about their partner’s appearance, women are more likely to flatter their partner’s sexual performance.

The study found that 43 percent of women lie about how they feel about their partner’s sexual performance, compared to just 28 percent of men.

That’s probably not because women are better lovers but, rather, because they feel a greater need to protect their partner’s feelings.

When a man feels insecure, he may have difficulty getting an erection, so it’s in his partner’s—as well as his—interest to boost his sexual self-esteem.

The bad news here is that some honest communication has to take place; otherwise, nothing is likely to improve.

As you might imagine, sexually dissatisfied men and women lie almost twice as much (50 percent) as sexually satisfied partners (27 percent).

If you talk openly and honestly with your partner about what isn’t working, you’re much more likely to achieve sexual satisfaction than if you salve your partner’s sexual feelings at the expense of your own pleasure. Lying may cause fewer storms, but also fewer orgasms.





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