Sugar plus caffeine and board exam results

New Delhi - The class XII CBSE board exam results are due on Monday 28th and I am ready for them, armed with brownies and several mugs of coffee. Yes, that is the only way to deal with them regardless of whether you are a Tiger Mom or a Tortoise Mom. You could have spent years slogging away with your kid, lovingly slaved over 'her' (actually your) summer projects and laboratory files, prepared umpteen nutritious meals for him/her before the exams, but now you need to fortify yourself with sugar and caffeine before the results are out.

Breathe deeply and tell yourself, that this is beyond your control. At least the exams are over...now isn't that a saving grace? The results don't matter. Rewind and play back that Geeta shloka - do your duty and don't expect results. Did it work? Nope. It doesn't work for CBSE inflicted Moms. You need more than that, to deal with the CBSE ogre. You need some pampering. Maybe soak your feet in scented water and play some music? Switch off the computer, cell phone, doorbell, TV and send away the dog to your parent's home. Send the kid to the in-laws or to the mall. Enjoy the silence and don't think about the CBSE monster. He can be slain tomorrow after the results are out.

Do you remember the time some decades ago, when your Board results were out? Heading to the school in the heat of summer, standing in front of the notice board in a claustrophobic corridor, waiting with bated breath, hoping your name would not be in the last column? I read the last column first. The one which said 33 1/2 % to 45%. Then the next column 45% - 55%. Only after that could I breathe easy, knowing that if my name wasn't in these two columns, the results were not catastrophic in nature. And, this is when I wasn't really a bad student.

As a mom however, things change. You first go through the toppers list and then fume if your kid's name is not on that list. Yeah, don't tell me you are one of those calm and collected mothers who say that results don't matter. Yes, they do. Especially when the cut off percentages to colleges in Delhi stop at 90%. So if your kid has scored between 80-85%, then chances are that he is not going to get the subject of his choice in the college of his choice in Delhi University for a Bachelor's degree.

See, when thoughts like those come creeping into your mind, reach out for cake or coffee. Don't believe those who say that it will make you jumpy, rather than calming you. Hell, you are a mom, calm is what you get when you are a grand mom. I want to see whether I get to a stage where I have that serene smile that my mother has when she sees my kid. She used to be so stressed over my Board results, how come she is so cool about my son's results? Her anxiety used to rub off on me too. Maybe there is some lesson to be learned in this convoluted psychobabble. I will hopefully decipher this mystery after the CBSE results are out. Right now I need that brownie.